Remember how My Guy and I helped his sister and her hoarder husband prep their nursery?
Good times.
Now, my BIL's sister is throwing the happy couple a shower. So they can get stuff. To incorporate into his hoard.
Ohmygod, I am such a bitch.
My Guy and I were invited to the soiree, which is 3 hours away.
We got the invite 10 days prior to the event.
Can we all agree that inviting folks to an event like a shower with barely any notice is super tacky? Like, tacky to the nth degree? And maybe the lack of organization, as evidenced with the hoarding, is a family trait that is also expressed via poor invitation etiquette?
Ohmygod, I am such a bitch.
The great thing about the lack of notice is that it provides me with an official reason why I can't attend. "Oh, sorry - we'd already made plans." Which is totally a lie. But it's so much easier than saying, "I will spend hours and hours making you a baby quilt. I will even paint your cat-pee-smellin' nursery. But God help me, there's no way in hell that I'm going to spend 6 hours in the car so that I can sit and watch you open baby gifts. Also, it's well within my rights as A Barren Lady to refuse to attend any and all baby showers from now until The End of Time. So suck it."
It all just hurts my heart.
My Guy wanted me to attend the shower, mostly because he didn't want to have to go alone. The late invite gave us a perfect excuse to bow out. But really?
Really, I just want somebody to acknowledge that shit like this is really challenging. And we need to stop shoulding ourselves. Whether you're barren or your dog just died or you really just don't feel like it, we all just need to stop fulfilling obligations just because we should.
Can I get a witness?
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12 comments:
Holla!
My deal now is that if I won't care if they don't show up to my event, I won't guilt myself if I don't show up to their event. I find this to be an honest/authentic solution.
Make an effort when your heart and head want to.
amen!
Can I say that I don't get things such as showers anyway, barren or not, if you really want to give something to someone give. But showers have always felt sort of wrong to me.. there I say it sue me. And I hate last minute invitations. Here they give "open" showers. Never heard of it?
The shower is from 1-4pm drop in any time, leave a gift and receive a piece of bad sheet cake. You can be in and out in 3 minutes....
Last minute invites burn my butt. It makes me feel like they didn't care enough to put some planning into their soiree, but dammit, they still want the freebies.
I bet the sheet cake would smell like cat pee, too.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, when my brother and SIL got married they sent out their invites really early. Like 10-12 weeks before the event. And the RSVP date was 8-6 weeks before the event. I've secretly wondered if they had an A and B list and when people from the A list RSVP'd no, they would then send an invite to the B list.
I, too, have gotten to the place where I don't take it personally if someone can't make it to my event. And I hope others feel the same.
And I'm right there with you in getting rid of the "should"s.
You are entitled to the pass. Getting an "amen" from this corner.
Follow your heart and protect your own psyche as a top priority. People who care enough to matter will totally understand and anyone else doesn't matter what they think. And last minute invitations to anyone out of town is definitely bad form. Can you say "save the date" email? But I also believe it would be bad etiquette not to invite people because you think they might find it hard to come. Weddings can be hard for singles and divorcees but I'd hate to be left out of celebrating the joys of my dear friends and family just because I had a broken heart myself.
Stay home and don't feel one bit guilty about it.
Joined by the Hallelujah chorus........ "AMEN"
I agree with everyone's comments here - plus, I just don't think it's worth the stress to put yourself in uncomfortable situations - you are NOT a bitch. You're just being real.
WITNESS here!!
If I was standing in your shoes, I wouldn't attend for all the reasons you stated -- and more. You most certainly get a pass.
Mrs. G. gave good advice.
Just my opinion here, but when someone I know is approaching a season of receiving gifts (graduation, birthday, bar/bat mitzvah, wedding, and this particular painful incidence) -- and if I plan on giving a gift -- I am hopefully already preparing for such occasion. (I say hopefully because I am an epic procrastinator.) For me personally, the shower/party/ceremony is an opportuntiy to give the gift but not the one-and-only acceptable time.
Also, in my opinion, you've already done much for them. Painting a room that smells like cat pee makes you a candidate for sainthood... doing so when you are in acute pain over not being able to become pregnant is a direct pass into sainthood. As happy and deluded as they may be, your SIL owes you a bushel of compassion.
If you can't be real and honest on your own blog, where can you bare your heart and soul?
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